2005-04-16
Tears of Disappointment
Quite a number of things have happened in the past week that I would like to mention. Cheerleading, events that led to the previous entry, the 'pep' talk that I gave my CCA, and Saturday's second round of auditions.
The tears that I shed on Thursday is mainly disappointment, with myself, with the CCA. I never intended to cry on that day of course, but I don't know, one thing just led to another. It's quite stupid to cry even before I started. I'm really stressed. Like I said, it will be such embarrassment and 'dui bu qi' yourself. I don't want us to regret that we never worked hard enough, put in more effort, be more serious, more united etc. There are so many things that we could have put the blame on if we didn't get Gold or Gold with Honors.
Like I said, Leona and I requested Mrs. Ong to give us a pep talk, but because of her commitments to her baby, it would be selfish of us. But I'm really very worried. Yeah. Let's not talk bout depressing stuff. Just want to thank Leona, Sandra, and B' cheerleading squad for encouraging me. As well as most of the juniors. Thank you. Sorry for not being strong enough, not being a good enough example, not being a good enough president, for being so irresponsible, so hot-tempered, so bossy. I'm really sorry for not doing a good job.
Sorry.
I feel like I very 'dui bu qi' you guys. I really don’t know how to face you guys on Monday.
I don't want to see your disappointed faces. Don't want to see all of us cry. I don't deserve your respect, that's why... I'm not deserving of my position.
Cheerleading on Tuesday was fruitful, Thursday and Friday we were making the skirts. I would like to extend thanks to those who helped out, especially Eunice, Jasimah, Arica, Michelle who stayed so late. Eunice was so cute, she forgot to take her cloth and came bout 10:30pm to get it. The 2 days I think brought us even closer together. And Arica, if you're reading this, please, if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here. I love my cheerleading squad. Thank you so much. Actually, Thursday you guys really cheered me up. I don't know what I'll do if you guys weren't there. Thanks. =) But I'll haunt those people who cut up the cloth so atrociously.
Saturday, I would like to thank everyone for coming down for the second round of auditions [full dress]. Thanks for co-operating and making our routine quite a success. Let's continue to work hard and not let all our efforts come to naught. Sorry I couldn't join you guys for lunch. Sorry Sarah, but thanks for being so understanding. I feel so 'dui bu qi' you.
B' come on!
And as to 9/4 entry. It started off okay. Went to NY's house to practice violin and had dinner with her and her brother. But after that, it just went downhill. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to her house. It was just a huge mistake. Everything in my life seems to be a mistake. I never seem to get anything right. My studies, CCA, friends, Cheerleading, family...
Today was okay, everyone was in a pretty good mood so my family had a nice day together. It was nice. And I was reading Dave Pelzer's [[- A child called 'it' -]] again. And it was obviously very sad and sometimes I relate. Like how the 'olden days' were so much fun, so my laughter etc. and how life now is so different? Of course, our lives are very different, I'm not being abused, d'uh, it's just... how our lives has changed. Can you imagine if you were in his position? I would feel better off dead. Life is so meaningless. But... whatever. I just wonder what caused the change in his mother. Seeking answers like he is.
yea, my mum just came in and told me that I can use the internet, so here I am.
reading sarah's blog reminded me of last friday when ms. leong blew her top and scolded us. I actually cried when she was scolding the whole school. I felt so sad, and angry, and empathetic. I actually had a lot to say, but it's been more then a week and those thoughts.. have almost become non-existent thanks to my busy life..
and can I mention something very out of the blue. I can't stand anything that is not symmetrical. =P I guess I'll just end here today. =)
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I just read the tag messages and I'm really touched. thank you guys. it really means a lot. every word.
jasimahhh: i mean, DUN get worked up so easily. relax la.
jasimahhh: girll. you have to learn to chill yah. den get worked up so easily. rock onn yah! (:
arica: yanyi, i will lend you my shoulder yah?and i did! okay that day you cried badly,but heys.crying it out is so much better yah?yeaps.call me or sms me if u neeed to.i will be there (: cheerios.
Sharon: oopsy! i forgot to type my name. the previous post is by me.
name: no la! i wasn't pissed off by u. NEW layout! yea i'm slow. cool effects of tt pic! btw u r not alone! u have many frenz k.. and me - i'm offering myself. lolx.
jasimahhhh: love you too. thanks for being my fan(: wheeeeeeee(:
jasimahhhh: heyys. i saw *ahems* his *ahems* pics. not bad la. heehee. relax la girl. we can always talk right.. i'm sewing now.. hahha. take care yahh cheerleading rocks! (:
tiffany: heyy . cheer upp . =)
manda.: heyys!hope you're feeling better.it's too early to feel pissed about anything.so let's make the best of whatever time we've got left.i know stress' piling up @ this pt of time,but cheer up k?
spoilt brat: cheer up baby! you've got lotsa friends arnd for you. me included! X)
kathleen: hii! nice blog! i love e colours! rmb me? =p
louise: oh i love your layout btw!
louise: yeah anw i said i wasn't p.issed i just gave up waiting :P and cheer up! don't sound so suicidal :P haha you can always come find me if u want..sms :P
aricaa: woots.yanyi! we are going o be the best squad for cheerleading ever. i lovee bougainn!yayyyayy! (:
aricaa: yan yi! i love you for being equally crazie too. i promise i will take care of myself and do well in cheerleading. yan yi, rawk on (:
spoilt brat: ahaha. chill dude. =p
vengeance: I updated 3 entries, but it doesn't seem to be appearing..
spoilt brat: helloo! tis beat! haha. i found you. update! =p
aricaa: i will be joining cheerleadin.
jasimahhhhhh!: you're such a busybody..hahahha. why are you so interested to know who pokokk and old men lover are, anyway? hahaha. B` rocks.
regina: weeeee!!!!1 hahahaha.....stupid computer. (((:
jasimahhhhhh!: heyyy lame womann! take care la! rub more zambuk ok!! rock onn yahh!
manel: hur?! ear pain?
amadea: hey yanyi.you are the best cheer capt!enjoying cheerleading.budd when its over,,,i will really miss it,
esther: hey yanyi cheer up kae? u are not in the wrong. we too sorie. anyway just like to say that u are a nice and committed senior((: yep
jasimahhhhh: hey theonewholookslikemonkeywhiledoingtheimsohothingy!!! thanks for your massage! it's better now. can't overstrain la. how's your new shoes?
sandra: hey babe haha no prob bout the oyster thing. all the best for your cheerleading (: dont cry la
Y0NgX~: hey chicas!!! hahas... howss ur com thang? hahas i change my bloglayout le... finally yeah.. hahas takkairex yeah? rawk on...
arica: yea,i am reading this. i know. thank you. but mayeb after i go, then things will be different. but i will mail you. soon.
mich: cheer up. bougeis gonna dominate(:
manel: one day i'll bring you to a manga shop where you can rent manga. damn cheap!!! and btw, is there death note 2? i only see 5 and 6...
manel: oh no. i think you're gonna cry when you see your book on monday. im so sorry! i scratched it a little!!! im so so so so sorry. i'll make it to you. i'm so so sorry!!!
noreen:
........
regiNa: i miss u and ur cranky computer!!! ))):
ricaa: hugs yanyi*
rahhh: well. must continue to meet up yeah. bougae 05 cheerleaders rock (: whoooo! take care!
rahhh: helllo!i havent been online of late..so didnt tag. haha =P ohmygoodness. i really really miss cheerleading. like, oh no, one day passed only and im missin it alrdy!! arrgh. sadd.
jasimahhhhhh: i have a huge bruise on my thigh. gahh. pain la. B` cheerleaders rock! take care.
bananaboy: you go cheer cap! :P
bananaboy: bougai bougai bougai!!
yan: ish. i haven't been here for a very long time and you've changed your layout again?! interesting. nice nice!
regina: weeeee!!!!1 hahahaha.....stupid computer. (((:
jasimahhhhhh!: heyyy lame womann! take care la! rub more zambuk ok!! rock onn yahh!
manel: hur?! ear pain?
amadea: hey yanyi.you are the best cheer capt!enjoying cheerleading.budd when its over,,,i will really miss it,
esther: hey yanyi cheer up kae? u are not in the wrong. we too sorie. anyway just like to say that u are a nice and committed senior((: yep
jasimahhhhh: hey theonewholookslikemonkeywhiledoingtheimsohothingy!!! thanks for your massage! it's better now. can't overstrain la. how's your new shoes?
sandra: hey babe haha no prob bout the oyster thing. all the best for your cheerleading (: dont cry la
Y0NgX~: hey chicas!!! hahas... howss ur com thang? hahas i change my bloglayout le... finally yeah.. hahas takkairex yeah? rawk on...
arica: yea,i am reading this. i know. thank you. but mayeb after i go, then things will be different. but i will mail you. soon.
mich: cheer up. bougeis gonna dominate(:
manel: one day i'll bring you to a manga shop where you can rent manga. damn cheap!!! and btw, is there death note 2? i only see 5 and 6...
manel: oh no. i think you're gonna cry when you see your book on monday. im so sorry! i scratched it a little!!! im so so so so sorry. i'll make it to you. i'm so so sorry!!!
the undercurrents came at 10:30 p.m.